A little less than a month after my lung surgery, I moved nine hours away to begin college. When I chose the school, I knew that moving away was going to be a challenge. Little did I know that I would be starting college immediately after facing the most frightening event of my life. There was a lot to learn and a lot to adjust inorder to make the transition work.

My biggest challenge was recognizing what had happened to me. All summer I held laser focus on healing and moving on. I needed to start eating more so I could gain weight back. I needed to start walking so I could gain the strength back. I needed to start packing so I could move on time. Everything I did that summer was to get my life back on track with the plans I originally made. I didn’t have time to reflect and process what I had been through, because I thought I just needed to forget about it and move on. When my parents were saying their final goodbyes after dropping me off at college, they told me how proud they were that I made it to school because they weren’t sure that I would make it. That’s when it hit me. 

After I got home from the hospital, got the all clear from my doctors, and got settled into school, there was nothing else to distract me from the fact that I had a really scary thing happen to me. And the fact that I surprised my own parents by getting back on track quickly made it feel all the more real. Admitting to myself that something bad happened and I survived it was not an easy thing to do. I was scared that I would damage relationships and sacrifice my college experience if I was constantly dealing with the emotions and consequences of a mysterious injury and major surgery. 

At the end of the day, I did both of those things. Working on myself took a toll on some of my relationships and altered the way that I experience my young adult life. In retrospect, I am still glad that I let myself grapple with my situation. When I first moved in, I felt so out of control that I wouldn’t let myself fall asleep because I was scared I would forget to breath if I did. But then I was too tired to do anything but sit in bed. There were so many fears that came from me not understanding what happened and not letting myself reflect on what happened. Letting myself reflect was the first step to finding peace. 

Keeping up with my peers was another struggle I faced at school. College moves FAST. Everyone is running to the next thing at all hours of the day, everyday of the year. Needing to slow down and heal in a faced paced environment was a lonely situation to be in. I quickly learned that there was quality over quantity. When I was up to it, I would go to an event with friends but otherwise I would stick to my routine. I found that I could make friends by being intentional when I had the energy to do things instead of running around to everything that ever happened in the history of the school, which is a pressure that is often felt by freshman. So many of my peers told me that they were scared they would not make friends if they didn’t go to everything, but I didn’t find that to be the case. All I needed was to be intentional when I did go to something. After my first semester, I learned that there were many other students who had a hard time transitioning to the fast pace of college. Some were struggling with health, others were struggling with family issues, relationships problems, financial stress, living away from home, and changing bad habits. In fact, everyone was struggling with something. The more times that I admitted that my freshman year didn’t turn out the way I thought it would, the more I learned that others felt the same way about their year. And what a relief it was to be in a community of people who were open and honest about where they are in life and where they want to be.